Care bear style tips and life goals.

Jumper - Topshop, skirt - Meadham Kirchhoff for Topshop, necklace - Tatty Devine

I bought this jumper on a whim while lazily browsing the sale section in Topshop. I thought it was absolutely adorable, like it was made of care bear fur or something. ("It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!" basically). I bought it mainly because I thought it would be really funny to wear this with my hair exactly matching the colour, and it is! I like to think of my outfits more thematically these days (not every day, and particularly not when I've left myself only 20 minutes to get to a lecture), and this seemed so dreamy.

This jumper is one of those pieces that just feels to easy to wear, so many things in my wardrobe gravitate towards it. This necklace is one of them. My mum gave it to me for Christmas and I have barely taken it off since. It's so beautiful and goes with so many things - it's iridescent so it changes colour depending on what the light is like or what I'm wearing it with. I know you can't see it that well here (I forgot to take proper close up photos because I'm terrible), but I'm planning on doing a proper post dedicated to some new piece of jewellery I've acquired lately. I went through a weird period of not wearing any at all, but I've got back into it in a big way recently.

My hair isn't green any more, but I still really like how my hair matches the jumper exactly here. I like being able to have an obvious charter of my life. I like this as a perfect snapshot of who I was at this point in time. I am 21 now, but I was 20 here. I believe in constant reinvention and re-evaluation of myself. I used to be so static and so set in my ways, convinced that I was always going to be the same and that I didn't need to change. I think I was scared of growing up, scared of becoming an adult when basically I didn't really want to be alive. But I'm more positive about my capacity for change now, I am even excited by it. I did not like this hair colour, but also I loved it because it allowed me to really think about who I consider myself to be. Does that make sense? I mean that even though I didn't particularly liked it, it let me see other versions of myself. I like being able to literally see myself changing, and hair is such an obvious way to see that change. I feel like I really needed that,  I have relaxed a lot more now and I am not as precious about myself. By that I mean, if my hair looks rubbish, it looks rubbish. I kind of revel in it, actually? Like here I love that my roots kind of match my eye liner. Time passes, things change. This is just a moment and it will pass, but the strength that I have now will only get stronger.

I'm writing this quite late, can you tell? I'm going to go to bed now, but I will see you soon for more outpourings of my heart in relation to clothes.

Don't tell me to smile.

On one of my recent outfit posts, someone left me a comment saying I should "smile more". Now, I'm sure, whoever you are, that you meant well and that you were probably just trying to be nice, you probably didn't even mean anything by it. But that comment made me feel quite uncomfortable, very uncomfortable in fact.
You see, I really, really do not like it when someone tells me what to do. Especially when that something involves my appearance, or directly relates to societal standard on how women in general "should" look. I was going over and over this comment in my mind while looking through Tumblr, and I came across this post, and it seemed to encapsulate exactly how I was feeling - and how I am still feeling now. Why is it that you want me to smile? To make sure I'm happy, or so that I look presentable to you? I shouldn't have to think about that, or even acknowledge it, when I am simply showing you the outfit I wore one day.
I don't choose my outfit pictures based on whether I'm smiling or not (I choose them based on how good the clothes look/how good the overall shot is), and I don't make a conscious effort to smile when I'm taking them. This is because I am perfectly content with how my face looks, with or without smiling. It has taken a while for me to get to this place, so you can understand how frustrating it is to have my face and the way I present myself undermined like this when I have come so far. From the age of 11 (when I first started middle school) up until I was about 16, possibly 17, I really cared what other people - more specifically, people my age - thought of me. So I sat quietly at the backs of classrooms, smiling meekly, and wearing the same things that everyone else was wearing. Because I was not comfortable or happy with being myself. But I am now. I discovered blogging, and people like Arabelle who were really cool and wore whatever they wanted and were completely, unashamedly confident and comfortable with themselves. And that was fucking amazing! Because I'd never experienced or seen anything like that before. I have learnt from them, and I too am now very happy and confident about the way I look and dress.
That is not to be said that I feel confident everyday, and with every outfit picture I take. Sometimes I don't feel comfortable looking at the camera or smiling, but that's my business and I'm dealing with it. On most days, I like the way I look so I'm not bothered if I'm smiling or not. I like my face, get over it. I am perfectly comfortable and happy and, let's face it, fucking proud of the way I look and the way I dress. I do not need anyone to tell me what I "should" be doing to look better or more attractive. Because I don't care about anyone else's opinions on the way I look, I only care about the way I feel about it. So, please. Do not tell me to smile. I don't need to smile in my outfit pictures because I am comfortable with the way my face looks when I'm not. If that makes you uncomfortable, then I'm sorry but I'm not sorry.

Prima donna girl, all I ever wanted was the world.

Recently I have had an awful lot of spare time on my hands, and I haven't really known what to do with it. I am a pretty lazy person, and often I do intend to be incredibly productive and creative only to end up having spent the entire day in front of the sofa watching May The Best House Win and How I Met Your Mother repeats. Now, there's nothing wrong with being unproductive, but a whole summer of it is woefully dull and boring! So, about a week or two ago I decided that I needed some sort of place to channel all of my ~creativeness~ so I bought a sketchbook and started putting together all the pieces I have cut out of magazines over the past, ooh, four years, along with lots of other things I have collected. Here are a few of my favourite pages so far;

A page on animal collective names. I have a real love and obsession for the strange and unusual names given to groups of animals (an obsession very strange and unusual in itself), like  murder of crows! Any Series of Unfortunate Events readers in the house?! I found this beautiful illustration set in an issue of the Independent, and I just find them fascinating.

Some mood boards based on sort of 1930s/40s glamour, rich fabrics, and kind of a French influence. I don't know, I find it really difficult to describe and actually articulate why I think the things I have put together go together, so I hope the images kind of speak for themselves.

Two colour boards.

I have so many pretty pictures of florals floating around, these are just two of the pages I have created. The second isn't really a mood board, it's just a collection of all the images that remind me of that dress (I wish I knew who the designer was!). The Klimt images are old postcards I found while helping clear out the cupboards in my art classroom last year.

Sort of vintage French Riviera patterns & themes, with a beautiful Basso & Brooke dress and pale blues.

Bright colour mood boards. (A young Kate Moss is in the pale blue in the picture on the right)

One of my favourite mood boards I think I have ever made. Partly because I just adore that editorial, and that all three images are so very much in tune with where I feel my personal style is going at the moment. Girly and feminine but still feminist. Basically Marina & the Diamonds in the Primadonna video (which is so beautiful and represents what I want to be and look like in every way).

A mood board sort of on the sixties, but also on perceptions of the sixties? All three images are modern interpretations of that famous decade, so I was kind of thinking about how true to life our ideas about it are.

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So, I hope you liked seeing some of my sketchbook pages. I want to use it to do more drawing & writing, basically so I can keep on top of all of my ideas. And also have it to look back through when I'm feeling sad so I can remind myself of how I am talented and good at things, and also see things that inspire me all in once place.

Goodbye for now.

Forget your troubles, come on get happy.

Hello! This outfit wasn't on my list of things to post about, but I was feeling really good today, so.

(Hope it's not really annoying/distracting that you can see my camera, tripod & part of my reflection in that mirror! Professional fa$hunn blogging~)

This playsuit will always be one of my favourite pieces in my wardrobe. It has made a few appearances on this blog before, but I don't wear it that often, although it is so easy & comfortable to wear. I bought it from ebay, and I think it might have been my first ever vintage purchase!

The reason I wanted to post these pictures today isn't so much about the outfit, but because I'm feeling really happy & content with who I am, and I just wanted to document this moment and kind of fix it in time. I really just wanted to crystallise a point in my life and on this blog where I could look directly into the camera and smile.

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1. I went to a swing dancing/vintage club night last night with a couple of friends, and it was so good! The band were really incredible, and there was a burlesque singer/dancer there too, who was pretty great. I wish I could have danced a bit more but most people on the dance floor were swing dancing which i have no clue how to do! It was a really lovely night, and hopefully we might go back again.

2. I have put yet more things on ebay! Selling quite a few of my worldly goods, including this petticoat which is breaking my heart a little bit. Most things start at 99p, and I'm selling clothes, jewellery, music & a few vintage pieces.

3. I am going to see Moonrise Kingdom today! FINALLY. I keep putting it off as I can't be bothered to go into town, but I am definitely (hopefully) going in to see it today. Or Wednesday. Hopefully.

4. I have been doing quite a lot of work in my sketchbook recently, it still looks a little bit boring & I want to do some drawing & painting in it, I might share that on here if I ever get around to it!

Introspection

 So, some things I have been doing since I handed in my Final Major Project (four of my final pieces photographed above);

Doing Judy's Vintage Fair in Newcastle.

I had a pretty lovely time doing the fair, it was really nice to catch up with my friend Alix & eat homemade (very good!) coffee cake. I did go home quite disappointed though as I didn't quite make enough money to cover the £50 cost of the stall, falling £3 short. Like, I know that's not much, and I did sell quite a few pieces, but it's still a bit of a knock. Especially as I was hoping to make some money to put towards a holiday. I know that it was only because the stall was so expensive that I didn't make a profit, and at least I still got my name out there. I don't know though, it has shaken my confidence a little bit. 

Knitting all night and making some new pieces for the shop.

Finally getting around to converting all my vinyls to mp3, and discovering this lovely little requirement on the back of my Ziggy Stardust record.

Making pointless long strands of knitting with my knitting doll and leftover pieces of wool.

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This summer I have decided I want to be productive. And creative. And everything that I said I would be every summer, but haven't. I think I have been holding myself back a bit over the years because I don't want to be wrong or mess things up, as if there actually is any wrong way to be creative. I have always had it in the back of my mind that I want to be a writer, and I do sometimes still tell people this, but I find it so hard to put pen to paper because, again, I'm scared that what will come out won't be very good. I used to write all the time - songs, poems, stories - but for some reason it all stopped when I got to about 14.

I am going to keep a journal and write things down all the time. I will take it with me everywhere and write anywhere, because contrary to my own ingrain belief nobody actually cares what other people do on trains or in coffee shops and no one will look at me funny. I am not going to care about what kind of paper, book or pen I use. I always felt that having the best stationery would make me a better writer, but it is the great writer who writes on napkins and the backs of envelopes, because it is something they simply must do. (I think I'm butchering a quote from somebody there).

I am going to buy a sketchbook and print out and chronicle all of the things that inspire me inside it. Quotes, pictures, people, fashion collections, artwork. Everything. Just because I am now no longer studying an art subject does not mean that I cannot carry on recording and storing the things I love to look at. I will draw. And paint. Embroider. Knit. Stitch.

I am going to finish reading all of the books I have piled up around my bedside tables. This will be the summer I read War & Peace. I will read The Female Eunuch and A Vindication of the Rights of Women. I will copy the reading lists of my favourite feminist bloggers. I will re-read some of my old favourites and annotate some passages.

I am going to put loads of clothes I don't want or wear any more on ebay, and alter the ones I have been meaning to for ages. And do this myself, without a dressmaker or my mum looking over my shoulder. I will only shop in charity shops (except for shoes). I will do all the DIYs I have had written down for months.

I am going to take pictures all the time. And not be afraid to ask people to take mine. I will learn how to use the more complex settings on my camera. I will buy disposable cameras and appreciate film photography. I will plan a photoshoot for my jewellery shop.

I am going to start anew.

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This post has been so long, and I am sorry. All of this introspection had to spill out somewhere. I will return to normal posting next week. Thank you for sticking with me.

band on the run

hello again, it's me. not as long an absence as i thought, although i'll explain that a bit further down. firstly, thank you very, very much to those who commented on my last post, it means a great deal. in fact, i don't think there's enough hyperbole in the world to describe how nice those words were to read.

anyway, given that i've been feeling a bit low recently i had a small online shop on dorothy perkins the other day, & bought this dress;

(i couldn't be bothered with the mundanity of the self timer, so vanity mirror shots will have to do i'm afraid)

it feels pretty summery, as it's made of jersey & there is no complicated zip business. also, the sweet daisy print reminds me of childhood summer days lying on the grass getting very, very into making the world's longest daisy chain.

the peter pan-ish collar totally sold it for me, even though it is sewn on rather than being movable, but the embroidery is far too cute for me to care about that. there's also a band of lace on the bottom of the skirt, which i've just realised i neglected to photograph. oops.

here is the print in more detail. daisies or spiky fried eggs, you decide.

today i was doing a bit of messing around with the settings on my camera, in attempt to feel like less of an undeserving photography novice & these are the results. i don't know, i kind of liked the way the light looked & stuff. and the totally blurred out background. so, yeah. skip over these if you wish.

oh yeah, & i also bought a pair of tapered/cropped trousers in the dorothy perkins sale but they're a little big so i'm getting them altered. they are lovely though, and (as you may have noticed) i literally never wear trousers apart from for school so i felt i needed a new pair. plus, i received a couple of really pretty belts for my birthday but haven't really had anything to wear them with.

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anyway, besides all of that clothes nonsense, after a nice bit of time away from posting, i've had a bit of a re-evaluation period. i think i will miss posting here, so i'm going to try to do a post every two weeks or so, which i think is fair. writing is quite a nice bit of escapism for me. also, i've decided to concentrate more on text posts, maybe in the form of lists as i've seen those on llymlrs & i heart vintage x and i really like that style. also, i overuse the word "also".

so, to begin with my first "list of current things from my life". i might work on a snappier title.

1. as people who follow me on twitter might be aware, i have become quite obsessed with a paul mccartney & wings greatest hits cd i picked up in a local oxfam. hence the band on the run title. jet is without a doubt my favourite song of the moment (and not solely for the suffragette reference). it has also led me to think of a feature i'd like to include here on t'blog, so look out for more possible writings about music in the future.

(did anyone see the warbler's version of silly love songs? i actually loved it, & that's rare.)

2. i have been looking at feminism for my art project, & my mum's friend lent me a few copies of spare rib, a feminist magazine of which she has literally every issue. i'm finding it really interesting, in fact just seeing how different attitudes to women were in the 70s is pretty staggering.

3. does anyone watch pointless? it's kind of become an addiction of mine. basically, it's a bbc 2 gameshow where people have to guess the most obscure answer to a question. kind of like a reverse family fortunes. anyway, i got a pointless answer in the final round the other day (which is pretty damn difficult); booker prize winners born outside of the uk - kazuo ishiguro. who by the way is an incredible writer, i'm reading his novel  the remains of the day at the moment, which is bloody brilliant.

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okay, that's me done. see you soon blogfellows.

dear readers

i'm sorry that it's been about a week since i last posted, but i'm about to explain why.

lately i've been feeling completely buried by work, & i'm not sure whether it has shown in my posts or not, but i really feel like i've been struggling both in my personal life & at school. whether this is obvious to other people is irregardless, but i need a break. i can't remember if i've mentioned it on here before or not, but my two spanish speaking exams (the year 13 exam and the resit) have been put on the same days as my art exam (which is a 3 day exam) in may. i know it's far off now, but it doesn't feel that way. i've been stressing over this ever since i found out about it, and therefore i've been tryign to concentrate on my work, but getting too stressed to work, which in turn only makes me more stressed. a vicious circle, as you can probably imagine. in fact, i was talking to two of my art teachers about the situation last night and ended up in tears, and then had to walk home in tears. it was horrible, & i could not stop feeling miserable for hours. in fact, i haven't really stopped feeling that way for a long time, and i can't keep feeling like this.

so it is for that reason that i have deleted my tumblr, and i shall also be taking a break for my blog for the time being. this might last a week, two weeks or maybe until june, i'm undecided. basically, when i feel up to posting & i have suitable time inbetween my studies then i will post (it isn't that i haven't the ideas for posting, just not the time or the motivation). this is possibly the most intense, stressful period of my life (as anyone doing a levels, or the equivalent, will know) so i feel like i not only need to take more time for my studies and for preparation for my art exam, but i need to relax and take more time for myself.

thank you to everyone who follows or reads this blog, i could not be writing here without all of your support. please bear with me in this short hiatus, i promise this does not mean i will be deleting this blog as i love posting here. thank you and good bye (for now).

yours sincerely, charlotte.