Don't tell me to smile.

On one of my recent outfit posts, someone left me a comment saying I should "smile more". Now, I'm sure, whoever you are, that you meant well and that you were probably just trying to be nice, you probably didn't even mean anything by it. But that comment made me feel quite uncomfortable, very uncomfortable in fact.
You see, I really, really do not like it when someone tells me what to do. Especially when that something involves my appearance, or directly relates to societal standard on how women in general "should" look. I was going over and over this comment in my mind while looking through Tumblr, and I came across this post, and it seemed to encapsulate exactly how I was feeling - and how I am still feeling now. Why is it that you want me to smile? To make sure I'm happy, or so that I look presentable to you? I shouldn't have to think about that, or even acknowledge it, when I am simply showing you the outfit I wore one day.
I don't choose my outfit pictures based on whether I'm smiling or not (I choose them based on how good the clothes look/how good the overall shot is), and I don't make a conscious effort to smile when I'm taking them. This is because I am perfectly content with how my face looks, with or without smiling. It has taken a while for me to get to this place, so you can understand how frustrating it is to have my face and the way I present myself undermined like this when I have come so far. From the age of 11 (when I first started middle school) up until I was about 16, possibly 17, I really cared what other people - more specifically, people my age - thought of me. So I sat quietly at the backs of classrooms, smiling meekly, and wearing the same things that everyone else was wearing. Because I was not comfortable or happy with being myself. But I am now. I discovered blogging, and people like Arabelle who were really cool and wore whatever they wanted and were completely, unashamedly confident and comfortable with themselves. And that was fucking amazing! Because I'd never experienced or seen anything like that before. I have learnt from them, and I too am now very happy and confident about the way I look and dress.
That is not to be said that I feel confident everyday, and with every outfit picture I take. Sometimes I don't feel comfortable looking at the camera or smiling, but that's my business and I'm dealing with it. On most days, I like the way I look so I'm not bothered if I'm smiling or not. I like my face, get over it. I am perfectly comfortable and happy and, let's face it, fucking proud of the way I look and the way I dress. I do not need anyone to tell me what I "should" be doing to look better or more attractive. Because I don't care about anyone else's opinions on the way I look, I only care about the way I feel about it. So, please. Do not tell me to smile. I don't need to smile in my outfit pictures because I am comfortable with the way my face looks when I'm not. If that makes you uncomfortable, then I'm sorry but I'm not sorry.

Reasons to be beautiful.

Way back in February, my sister sent me the Meadham Kirchhoff for Topshop nail wraps. I didn't want to use them all at once because I thought it would be a bit of a waste, and instead of posting about the way I used each one individually I thought I would do a compilation post! I also tried to picture the nails with the outfits I was wearing when I painted them, or ones that matched the colours I chose. There are actually a lot with the same two dresses, woops! Guess that shows you how lazy my dressing actually is.

The very cute nail wrap packet.

Doll face. The one on the left is Collection 2000 in Button Moon, and the one on the right is Model's Own in Emerald City and Bluebelle. I actually did write a post specifically about the first one, which is here.

Kitten.

Left: NYC in i108A (good name!). Right: Model's Own in Pink Fizz. I wasn't really very good at applying this actually as wraps, so a lot of the time I just cut them out and used them as nail stickers.

Hearts.

Left: Collection 2000 in Button Moon - I used a lot of the same polishes a few times, mainly because I like the colours but also because I don't really have that many. Left: Rimmel in Misty Jade with (very bad!) eyes drawn on with a Model's Own nail art pen.

Teddy bears.

Left: I can't remember the name of this one, but it's by Collection 2000. Right: This is actual craft glitter, and it was the WORST. It was so annoying and scratchy and kept snagging on my tights. And it was an absolute bitch to remove.

Red horse.

Collection 2000 in Button Moon. There were two little horses, I put the other one on my right thumbnail.

Teddy.

Left: Free crappy polish from when I had my nails done when I was around 12. Right: Oil of Olay in Midnight Red. I couldn't be bothered to paint both hands for this one, so I got a few funny looks, but the check out lady in Boots said they were lovely.

Teddy face, the large cropped version of the one above and my second favourite.

Left: the same red polish. Right: Button Moon, Misty Jade, Midnight Red, the lilac one I can't remember the name of.

Vagina, also known as my favourite one! And my favourite nails by far. In my last post I said I was going to address the ~vagina question~, and I am going to now;

Basically, I keep seeing various bloggers* making (what I would call) a fuss over this particular nail wrap. Calling it disgusting; an unnecessary addition to this otherwise cutesy selection of images. Or just asking "why a vagina?!"

These are often the same people who I have seen fawn and rave over Meadham Kirchhoff's Spring/Summer '12 collection - the same one for which this image of a vagina was used as research and inspiration. Now, there's nothing wrong with fawning and raving, with just a cursory glance at my own blog you could see that I do plenty of that myself. But, I personally feel that you cannot love or be truly fanatical about the MK boys and the clothes they design without understanding their motives or reasons for making these clothes. Because it isn't just about pretty pastel clothes and exquisitely made garments. Sometimes, fashion is just pretty clothes - which is perfectly fine, and, of course, there is nothing wrong with that! But Meadham Kirchhoff always go much deeper. And in this case, deeper means clothing with a feminist edge. This collection is about all representations of classic female beauty. Sex symbols, beauty queens, dolls, The Virgin Mary, Hollywood glamour, little girls, etc etc. It is also about taking this apart and examining what beauty is, what it means to be beautiful - and who we are being beautiful for. All of that is encapsulated perfectly in this one image. A pretty, pastel vagina with a crown of natural, black hair. Feminine and also challenging societal ideals of femininity.

If you don't understand why they have chosen to use and celebrate this (frankly, quite beautiful) image of an unwaxed, unshaved vagina, then you don't understand the Riot or Diet slogans, or why they had this image by/of Arvida Bystrom on their wall while making this collection. Or the reason why they so often reference Hole and Courtney Love in their collections - and created an army of Courtneys for their catwalk show. It's that Riot Grrrl spirit; that powerful, feminist cry to be able to dress exactly how we want, without being defined by it. Meadham Kirchhoff girls can wear pink and be powerful, wear frills and be assertive, dress like a prom queen or a ballerina or a show girl and still be smart and tough and strong. It is about celebrating everything to do with being female and feminine, as well as confronting and deconstructing the impossibly high "ideal" female beauty standards in this society, and yes, sometimes that means hairy vaginas.

(Edit: Yeah, so it turns out all of those links I put in go to the same page, the Rookie editorial of their studio/show taken by Eleanor Hardwick. I can't link to the ones I meant individually, but the numbers are; 4, 3, 6, 4, 34, 29. It's quite easy to scroll along to the right ones, and there are nice explanations from Edward Meadham himself under most of them)

*This is in no way directed at anyone in particular, I'm just voicing my own personal opinions and frustrations. I am also not referring to all bloggers who talk about Meadham Kirchhoff.

Vaginas again! Button Moon & squiggles (wink wink) with the Model's Own pen. I find these hilarious.

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I am starting to pack and sort things out for uni, which is getting a bit manic! I have lots of kitchen things to wash, pre-registration & financey things to sort out before I go, and I have never seen all of my clothes together at the same time which is quite a daunting prospect. I have two, potentially three, ideas for posts which I will write and queue over the next few weeks or so, I think I'll be a bit too busy/lacking in inspiration to do any for the first month while I'm down there. After that, I'm not really sure what my posting frequency will be, so apologies if it's a little sparse over here for a few weeks!

Rebel girl you are the queen of my world

Hello ladies! And gentlemen! And anyone inbetween! I'm sorry it has been a long time since my last post, I'm not going to bore you with a long explanation of all the reasons why (scary long list of things to buy/sort/do for uni, even longer and scarier list of things to read for uni) but this is going to be a pretty long, fairly picture-heavy post to make up for it - SO STRAP YOURSELVES IN, FOLKS.

Introducing my new favourite jacket/garment ever. I bought this a few weeks ago from a fellow stall holder at a vintage market I was selling at. I love it. It's a 1960s quilted bed jacket, and only it cost me a fiver and one of my pin up girl brooches! Sellers' perks 5ever.

Jesus Christ Superstar pose because this jacket is my new religion. Or I'm just trying to show the shape of it. I am in love with the weird juxtaposition of the cutesy peter pan collar and the salmon pink colouring with the boxy, swing shape and structured shoulders. The shape shouldn't be flattering, but it somehow is (although tbh I wouldn't care if it wasn't). It makes me feel powerful and confident and able to take up all the space I can. I kind of feel like it's my misandry jacket; the shoulders literally make me want to shoulder all the sexism and injustice and hideousness out of my path, the shape makes me think of power-dressing and holding my head up high. And it's pink, which is FUCKING PERFECT because it sums up all my emotions about femininity and power and how I can still dress like a "typical girly girl" and still take your head clean off in an argument.

(Maybe this paragraph has been written because Jeremy Hunt is our new Health Secretary and he opposes abortion and I'm still really angry about George Galloway and the Assange case but I can't quite articulate all of my rage, so the only way I can make sense of the feeling of foreboding in my stomach is by relating my clothing to my emotions.)

The back, where you can see the shape a little more. I have been wearing this jacket so much even though it is far too warm because it magically seems to work with everything I own. And I can even wear long sleeveless gloves with it and it doesn't look silly. IT'S SO PERFECT, I'M CRYING.

It also really reminds me of two pieces from Meadham Kirchhoff's S/S12 collection. The swing shape, shoulders and the peter pan collar is very similar to the jacket on the left, and the colour is pretty similar to the ballerina lace capelet.

Sugary pink cape and melted wig style hair.

Jacket - vintage, dress - charity shop, tights - from my mother.

I wore this outfit last Saturday to go out with my friend Alix to my favourite drag/cabaret bar. (My hair was pinker then so the ensemble worked better.) It was so good, drag queens performing a Spice Girls medley and Welcome to the Sixties from Hairspray is pretty much all I want out of life. I've already planned to come back from uni for a weekend in October so I can see their Hallowe'en show.

Vagina manicure coming to you courtesy of Meadham Kirchhoff's nail wraps for Topshop. I know some people really hate this design (which really annoys me & my next post is going to be all about that and why it annoys me so much) but I love it and these nails basically sum up this outfit. My nails sum up my outfit which sums up the misandry moment I am having. Also, the colours match!

Hope you enjoyed my very long outfit post slash feminist deconstruction of my clothing. I move to Sheffield in eleven days, and I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post when I'm there. Like I mentioned before, I have another post planned for before I leave, but after that I don't really know what I'll have to post about. It might be more like photo diary style updates, but we'll see how it goes!

I have noticed a sudden burst of new follower arrivals! This is very cool, hello, how are you all? Thank you, darlings, possums. (That link comes to you because of my major, full blown Simon Amstell obsession. No, wait! Come back!) I think some of you may have come over from the post on Sarah's blog featuring me, which was wildly surreal and amazing to read! Thank you Sarah, you are wonderful! Also, Tori has written a post about our jewellery swap, you can see the things I sent her here.

Flower crowns

My mother and I dyed my hair last weekend! It's a fair bit brighter than I expected, and it's also really uneven if you look closely, but I do really like it.

I went shopping with my mum to a textiles warehouse, and while I was there I spotted a few fake flower decorations and I made a spur of the moment decision to make some flower crown/headband type things like in the Rookie video! (Rookie also retweeted the picture I posted on Twitter as well, which was so cool! Major fangirl moment.) I had actually been meaning to make some for a while, but never really got around to it, or saw anything I really wanted to make a crown from! Watching the video again and seeing all the crowns that people made has made me like, way inspired & I can't wait to make more! I never wear things in my hair any more which I used to do loads (mainly to ~rebel against an all black school uniform), so I want to start doing that more. Summer goals!1!!

The flowers came in packs of three colours, and I spent seriously so long agonising over which ones to choose that I decided just to get them all! They only cost 99p per packet, and I got two packets for each crown so really they weren't too expensive.

I made some with peach, pink and turquoise flowers! I saw these flowers first and I think this crown is my favourite.

I haven't attached them to a headband, mainly because I was kind of too lazy to have to hunt for some & i just wanted to get on and make them! I just twisted the wire each flower around the next one and secured them into my hair with pins on either side. I also kind of wanted something that I could pin into my hair in various different ways.

1. Speaking of Rookie, it looks like there's going to be a meet-up in London in July for UK Rookie readers! I think I will be in London the time it is on, and I would so, so love to go but I will have to see as I will be with my friends and I don't want to monopolise the trip! Beth from Girls Get Busy is going to be there, so to meet her would just be incredible. There is also an event for Rookie Northerners which I would also really love to go to, I have never been to a meet-up before so it would be amazing to go to one of these!
2. I am selling yet more things on ebay! Lots of jewellery, clothes, music & vintage all starting at 99p, please help me finance my trip to London!

3. I went to a book group meeting last night which was all about the history of the Riot Grrrl Movement. I had so much fun! It was really incredible to talk to other people about what they thought about Kathleen Hanna etc, and to speak to some people who actually had been Riot Grrrls at the time! I also met some really cool, feminist people which was amazing as that seems to be something I can only normally do via the internet. I really wish I had bought a few business cards along though as quite a few people were asking me about the jewellery I made (we talked a lot about the DIY culture of RG & I mentioned my Feminist necklaces).

4. I am going to a 1920s-50s music night on Friday, which I am so excited about! I will probably take my camera so I will post some pictures to show you guys! I also may be going to a burlesque show at a local theatre, and hopefully I can make it to the cinema to see Moonrise Kingdom some time this week. My summer of culture continues.

Pastel Puke

This is a scheduled post as I am busy working away on my Textile final major project!

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I have been waiting for this pretty little piece of post for quite a long time, so when I saw this bright pink envelope on my doormat I knew exactly what it was! A little while ago, I did a little swap with one of my favourite bloggers - I sent her a necklace and in return she sent me a copy of her beautiful handmade zine about Meadham Kirchhoff! (Read her post about her zine here)

I took a few pictures of some pages from her zine, and I love them so much! I'm just going to leave the photos to speak for themselves.

Marlena is absolutely one of my favourite bloggers ever, and it was so amazing that she liked the necklace I sent to her! She has the most wonderful kitsch, sugary style and her thrifted pieces are incredible, and she also writes some fantastic DIYs for Rookie. I don't really have ~style icons~ as such, but the way she dresses is so inspiring to me. Anyway, it was really cool to do the swap with her! See you next time.

I bring home the bacon.

Hello! I bought some wonderfully cute & funny feminist badges from Etsy last week, and they have both arrived! Feminism, while being incredibly close to my heart, isn't something I talk about that much on this little blog (although I like to think I weave it in occasionally) but these brooches are simply too lovely not to grace this blog with their presence!

This brooch by Sarah Julia Clark is so so amazing! I love bacon more than any other food in the world (bad Jew, bad, bad Jew), so it seems entirely fitting to have a humorous statement about bacon on a piece of felt bacon as my accessory of choice, does it not? Also, it totally relates to the working-girl-who-owns-her-own-business I have going on right now. *insert shameless plug about my ongoing sale here*

The brooch back. I love hand-stitching so much, it seems like such an immediate reminder that I own something completely individual and unique made by someone who loves and cares about what they do.

My bacon brooch next to my other little feminist purchase! This badge has been in my favourites for months, I thought it was so funny! Yay for uteruses guys! You can buy this brooch here, and I think you can also get it in a slightly bigger size too. I like it small though, as it means people really have to peer in to see what it says.

I also did something pretty cool (or at least I think it is!) with my hair today, so I thought I'd show you a picture or two. Predictably the best photos turned out to be the most blurry, so you can't see what I actually did with my hair too well here, but I think you get the general gist! Basically, I tied it up at the back, twisted my fringe slightly and pinned it back, then finished it with two victory(ish) rolls on either side. It's rather messy as I never bother with hairspray & I kept having to alter it throughout the day, but I'm still very pleased!

Also, small glimpse of My Favourite Dress Ever Version 2.0 (this is Version 1.0). I think I now live in a parallel world where it's summer indoors all the time and I just float around wearing summer dresses with no tights in a defiant manner, whimpering every time a window is opened or a door left ajar.

Tomorrow I have decided I am going to WORK ALL DAY and not stop for ANYTHING, not even snacks or How I Met Your Mother. I need to seriously catch up on my ~Fashion Illustrations (which, I don't know, would you like to see?) & feverishly scribbling Pro/Con lists about Sheffield vs Edinburgh and Accommodation vs Accommodation vs Accommodation which really I should have made in January before my brain melts completely. Which, it seems, looking back over what I have just typed, may have happened already.

Thank you very much if you have read this far, I will try to be less incoherent & silly next time.

stopman

this post is going to be slightly different to the usual things i post about here, but something was brought to my attention this week that i haven't been able to get out of my head since.

after seeing a link on facebook to this article, i was intrigued & shocked by what i read - two offensive (and i would say sexist) tshirts have been put on sale in topman (pictured below).

the tshirts have now been taken off the site, largely thanks to uproar on twitter & facebook and the sTopman facebook group (which i have joined).

i just wanted to share a few of my thoughts on the matter, apologies for the incoherent, incensed words that may follow. (also, this is posted a little late as the tshirts were first brought out last month)

the tshirts made by topman.

the grey one reads "nice new girlfriend, what breed is she?" - something so in tune with many "hilarious" slogan tshirts on sale today, that at first i didn't even register its offensive message, so used am i to this kind of demeaning comment being plastered all over the place. i think the problem is that we have become so desensitised to comments and slogans like this in modern day life - not just seen on tshirts, but in adverts and magazines - that collectively we let it pass us by, when we should be protesting it.
as a feminist, i am often accused of being "man-hating", or of only raising or recognising issues when they affect women. while this may be true of mainstream media, the underground "fifth wave" of feminism raises and discusses things like this which also affect men all the time.
for example, take the "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" line of tshirts & stationery which are mainly marketed at younger & teenage girls. personally, i think these are equally damaging to the feminist cause as the grey topman tshirt! i think people forget that feminism is about equality between sexes (as a blanket definition), not that "women are better". i see tshirts like this being very damaging as they are still promoting inequality and stereotypes, weakening the character of both sexes.
(oh, by the way, this tshirt was designed by a female student, which frankly speaks volumes)
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moving on to the red tshirt now, which reads;
"i'm so sorry, but
- you provoked me
- i was drunk
- i was having a bad day
- i hate you
- i didn't mean it
- i couldn't help it"
my immediate thought after reading this was "oh my god, it's talking about domestic violence", and after scrolling down to read the article & the comments i saw that i was not alone in this. this is incredibly disturbing, as this tshirt appears to be either A) supporting violence and/or domestic violence against women and/or men, B) poking fun at violence and domestic violence or C) making a comment about violence/domestic abuse by making an ironic "lighthearted" "joke" about it.
neither of these options leave me feeling amused in the slightest. even if topman were going for option C, as a huge retail chain, should have at least twigged that this could be seen as offensive, distasteful and even downright upsetting to some viewers, seeing as all of these statements are the most commonly given excuse by perpetrators of domestic violence. they should also have known that they have no control over who buys and wears this tshirt, as it could have been bought by someone who genuinely believes the message given or finds the tshirt hilarious.
making light of domestic violence - or any violence for that matter! - is not funny, and is not something that should be done by a high street chain as popular and omnipresent as topman/topshop.
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aside from the tshirts themselves, one of the things i was most shocked about was the amount of comments on this blog post & the sTopman group that seemed to find the slogans funny, or at least were unbothered by them. many men (and i'm sorry to put "men" instead of "people", but from all of the comments i saw defending the shirts, 100% were from men) thought the outrage was simply an overreaction by women being "oversensitive" and "if you don't like them, don't buy them" which is surely an oversimplification of the matter at hand. i experienced this firsthand when a male twitter user replied to me after i posted a link to the article;

"that's why they are funny".

i can't even begin to describe my disgust at the vitriol and ignorance that he has expressed in less than 140 characters.

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this post is not as detailed or as in depth as i would like, but i feel like i just needed to write something about how i felt. hopefully this isn't too rambling or emotional, and if you have read this far then thank you. thank you so  much.