confusion in her eyes that says it all, she's lost control.

over the past few weeks, some bad things have been building up between a few friends of mine & another acquaintance. sometimes i feel i should ignore them, at other times i feel the weight on my shoulders like a great boulder. i feel a dark cloud brooding over my head on occasions, & while i hate confrontation i am certain the situation calls for ill feeling to be brought out into the open, where it can then be dispersed. it seems as if we are constantly running along a knife edge; worried that one word could push us too far & we'll slip into an overwhelming sense of sadness - through no fault of our own.

it is always hard to feel like this, and hard to see your friends in the same state. it is also difficult when the reason for those emotions is a friend, or someone you thought was one.

i try to keep the dramatics & insults to a minimum, but sometimes i do wonder how somebody can be so oblivious to another's feelings, or how one comment - meaningless & flippant to the person making it - can affect and hurt another. i pride myself as a person who always tries to be tactful, & when others refuse to extend the same courtesy to me or my friends it hurts. perhaps the most astonishing thing of all is that my attempts to fix the situation(s) both on behalf of myself & for my friends were completely ignored, belittled & misconceived completely. how one person can lack such human decency to try & understand their wrongdoings shocks me slightly. something i have taught myself & constantly remind myself of is to take responsibility for my own actions & shortcomings - and i think it is not unreasonable to expect the same, or similar, from others.

attack is not, and never will be, the best form of defense.